Monday, December 8, 2014

Hard times and good moments....

I am a Mother of 3, wild, rambunctious, strong willed, beautifully amazing children.  All 3 are different in their personalities.  As they’ve grown over the years it was fun to see how each would slowly mold into their own being.  Their own mind, spirit and will.  There’s been day’s when my own will was tested to the point of breaking.  They would win a few battles with Mom.  Not as many with Dad, but definitely with Mom.  Those days at the time seemed to be the worst days.  It’s funny how that is.  You think it’s the worst day ever until it’s over.  Looking back none of those days were our worst days.  They were just complicated days that always found solutions.   Today I read an article, and it compelled to write something.  I like to write, it’s always been a way for me to put it all out there.  Most of the time I just move on after I have written down whatever it was that had me in bunches and knots.  The writing helped me let it go.  (Yes that was intentional).  I think sometimes that if I could just stop in moments of great stress, just completely stop myself and say this is not the worst moment!  There are thousands of other moments that could happen that would make it the actual worst one, but this isn’t it.  Because most of my times of stress revolve around the regular, colds, mortgage payments, heating bills, stomach bugs, fighting children, opposing opinions, a cranky husband.  But that is life isn’t it.  It’s just life.  If I had a million dollars and not a bill to pay I’m quite certain I would still be able to find a moment where I’m feeling like it’s the worst.  I guess that’s how my mind just does it.  But today, for some reason I want to find a way to make that behavior stop.  Minimalize it.  Put it away in the back of my mind like it’s so easy to do with the happy moments.  It’s certainly not easy to just change your way of thinking.  Nor is it easy to feel like money problems are not the biggest problems you have.  Especially with Christmas coming around the corner.  Because we all know that money unfortunately is the one thing in our life that is able to sway how just about everything goes.  But for me, I should just be used to it.  Somehow we always find a way.  Yes, it’s hard, and yes there are days I go to bed and lay there staring at the ceiling until the sun rises thinking of all the things that we have to get through just because of money.  But is that really the worst thing that could happen to me?  Most certainly without a shadow of a doubt it is not.  The worst thing that could happen to me would be something life threatening to one of my children.  An illness, or a pain that I wouldn’t be able to take a way with just a boo boo kiss.  The fact is there are millions of Moms who lay awake last night with just that worst thing.  I know how terrible that can feel as a daughter seeing her Father go through it… I’ve seen him suffer and it carries with me to this day 23 years later.  So I know that money, bills and regular life problems are definitely, and most certainly not the worst problems to have.  Tomorrow is coming no matter what happens today.  BUT in the meantime, I can look at my 3 wild, rambunctious, strong willed, beautifully amazing children and say they are mine!  They are here, and they are OK!  So I may not be able to give them that PlayStation they so desperately want.  Or that iPhone that seems to keep reappearing on Christmas lists.  But we will have Christmas, and we will find a way to make them smile on that day this year too.  AND Today, I can make them smile, and laugh.  I can dance with them in the kitchen while we prepare dinner.  I can help them with their homework, and read to them.  I can tell riddles with them while we eat, which makes us all laugh until our sides hurt.  I can look at them, straight in the eyes and tell them without one ounce of uncertainty that I adore them.  That they are my reason for being.  They are my everything.  THEY are my children, beautiful imperfectly perfect in every single way.  I will smile today through all these bills that set before me because we are all OK, and I am very thankful for that.  They are wise beyond their years, they are gorgeous without even knowing it, they are selfless, and kind, and they are really good souls, and by the grace of God they are my children, and I love them.

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