Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Time to Stop and Smile!

Well, it's time I admit how much of a downer I've been.  Really, really awful.  I feel just terrible about it, and I know that I have put so much stress on my family.  My poor Mother who is my faithful blog reader, has shed far too many tears on her computer keys on my behalf.  One thing for sure, she is my main stay, my light in the dark, without her and my 2 sisters, I would be in complete darkness.  My mother, as I've told you before, is one of the most unreal women I have ever known.  Not just because she's my mother, because she has proven without a shadow of a doubt, that she will survive.  She lost her husband in her 40's, nursed and cared for her prince with nothing short of awesome.  She lived on after him, even with a broken heart, and raised her 3 daughters completely.  She is steadfast, and amazing.  I've already told you about her breast cancer, but again, I remind myself, she fought for her life, and had not one shadow of doubt.  I can't help but use that as a way out of the dark.  Like wake up woman!!  Yes, I know it's always darker for someone else.  It could always be worse.  I have to keep that in mind, I do.  But more importantly, I just have to learn to get up, and live with our circumstance no matter what the day faces.  I am a mother, and it's time I stop living on what if's, and being afraid.  Sure, it's easier said than done.  I have a lot to learn in this department, but I am trying.

Here is a list of things I am grateful for right now; I still have my home.  Regardless of how many times we are threatened, we make that mortgage payment, and this home, this beautiful home, is still mine.  Maybe only for one more month, but I can't focus on that.  Today it's mine.

My 3 beautiful, god given, amazing children.  Oh my goodness, how blessed I am!!  My son Ayden is sick, the little foofman, has not been feeling well.  He was up all night coughing, and shaking and what is the first thing he did this morning?  He came rushing out of his room, proclaiming he had a huge secret to tell me!! Rushing as fast as he could, and came to my ear, and gave me a kiss.  A kiss!! That was my secret.  Now that is a good way to start the day.  My son Kevin, was just given a part in a music ensemble, that he auditioned for, and won!  He was so proud bringing me the news.  My daughter Annelyse, is sweet, and happy and cares for others before herself.  I am the lucky one, because I get to say they are mine.

My mother and sisters, would come for me and pick me up no matter what the circumstance.  They have proven over and over again, that they have got my back.  I mean they got my back!!  No matter what the phone call, no matter how many times I call crying, no matter how many things I have to say, they got it.  That is profound.

My husband.  We have had many ups and downs.  Yes, we have.  I'll be the first to admit, we are the complete opposites.  But I will say this, with not a shudder or a fear, that man will work his hands to the bone until he brings money into this house.  He will provide for us, and protect us, with his two hands no matter what.  He may be rough around the edges, and he may appear to be tough, but he loves me wholly and completely.  He is my warrior, and he is my love.

I have many, many more, and isn't that the exciting part?  I could keep going.  I could type more things I am thankful for.  That is what I am focusing on today.  Sure, tomorrow may not be so bright, but right now, in this moment, it is.  I have food, warmth, shelter, good health and love.  That is all I need today.

One thing, I think it is so important to remember as parents, is to stop rushing.  Stop focusing on our better futures.  Just once in a while, so we can focus on this moment.  This single solitary moment right here. 

God Bless!

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